November 05, 2005


By Any Other Name

I guess they don't call them "pet names" for nothing. They're the rain of monikers that comes pouring down on the heads of many an innocent hound. Sure, sure. There's the "main name," but then there are all the others, as one writer confessed in a recent article about her dog Yofie. I think I know how poor little "Yofadoodle" feels. For me, it's seldom just Hank. It's Hank the Tank, Handsome Hank, or Hankadoor.

And that's just the beginning. For every little foible, there's another pet name. Gained a little weight lately? I'm suddenly the family Flabrador. Take a little longer to get through my walk (hey, it's Florida; it's frigging hot down here!) and I'm the Lagador or the Laxador or Pokador. Get a drink from a poorly flushed toilet (and whose fault is that, anyway?) and I'm Rank Hank. Walking a little stiffly? Hankenstein. Feeling just a bit blue? HounddogHank.

Enough already. I've got news for all you pet-namers. We dogs play the same game. How often I've looked at Molly eating a banana and thought, Homo Apien. Or, watching Mike and Molly entranced for hour after dull hour in front the TV like dang vegetables, I've thought, Human Beans. Then there's Water-Bowl Pooper (no need for explanation). And Smelless Wonder (jeez, how can you not smell that?). And Night Kicker (since their legs are basically blunt bludgeons that they blindly stumble around on all night -- get some night vision, will you?). There's also Stumpy Tongue and Dull Tooth and Compost Breath and Mr. No Tail, not to mention Can't Lift Your Leg When You Pee. The list goes on. Of course, we dogs love our Hard-of-Hearing Hairless Monkeys and mean no offense. They're just terms of endearment. And, after all, they can't really understand us anyway, right?

Dear Hank,

Our sweet doggie, aptly named Miss Daisy, also answers to Daisy-Maisy, Daisy-Doodle, Doodle-Dog and Doodle-Schnoodle.

If there is a treat involved, she even answers to "here, kitty!"
How many times can I call my dog Endo - "Hey You", "Silly Dog", "Dumb Dog", "Old Man", "Poopie Head", "Sleepy Head", "Mr I Forgot How To Listen To Mommy", etc. And yes, I know he knows that I'm speaking about him.
Thanks for coming to se me Hank! I like you dlog. I will come visit you again.
Handsome Hank,
It must be nice to live in Florida
never getting cold.always warm
Here when it gets cold I have to worrie about the snow getting stuck between my toes .buuurrr
Hank it sound like you have got it mades.A good dogs life.Thank you for sharing,"LOL":D
Woof! the blogspot! Maybe ill ask my human if i can have one or somthing...hmmmm....
Hi Hank - Thanks again for visiting my blog. The two-legged one (TLO) wants me to tell you that you are a most noble fellow. I'm not sure what that means, I hope it's not something offensive. Lately, the TLO has been calling me "Twinkle Toes" and "Beastie." I think she's too dull to come up with fun variations on Miss Kitty. I never thought about giving her a nickname. I'll have to ruminate about that for a bit. Thanks Hank!
Oh gosh! I didn't know there were others out there like me...

My dog Missey is also known as..Puppy, Pupperdoodle, Doodle Dog, and Missey Poo.

My dog Roxie is also know as...Roxie Moxie and Roxie Boo

My cat Seven is also know as...Bubba, Bubba Dean and Bubba Fat.

My cat Andie is also called...Andalee

Isn't it funny how we name our pets.
Hey, great dlog! This post is making me wonder what our family's dog Chloe (most often called Chlo-zilla) calls the rest of us in secret - she doesn't call us anything in particular to our faces, anyway.
Hello Hank! My mommy calls me all kinds of names too! My paper name is "A Perfect Storm", but she likes to call me Stormie-lou when she's happy. But if I've done something bad, she calls me Stormie Weather.

Now the boston terriers, they have their own set of names too. Delilah is called Delilah-bell and Delilah-boo. Whereas Rose Petal is often called Porkie or Pork-a-lot! Since she's maw-maw's dog, maw-maw doesn't like it when mommy calls Rose that... but I must admit, she does look like a little potbellied pig!

Hi Hank!

Our humans just call bro Mark and I by our names and nothing else. How boring!

Actually, they also call us big bro and little sis - but i don't think that counts as a name.

Dear Hank, Thanks for visiting my site!!!
I have not been updating it lately b-cuz i ate my password. oops! I will be updating soo though, becuase I have a new stupid foster bro and boy is he annoying!
Dear lorrie, Say hi to Miss Daisy for me. And, by the way, I'll come to "here kitty" too if you're going to bribe me with something really good. I have my pride but I can be bought.

Dear anon, Say hi to Endo, as well. He's a handsome guy.

Dear Oreo, Thanks for visiting!

Dear Sam, You know, I'd like to see some snow someday. I have to worry about cockleburrs in my paws. You're lucky if you don't know what those are.

Dear JJ, Thanks! I enjoyed seeing you.

Dear Miss Kitty, You're welcome. I enjoyed the visit. I'm sure you'll come up with a good nickname.

Dear Lucy, It's nice to know you're not alone, isn't it? It can be fun to be creative with names, as long as we don't get too cruel. I've got to say that Flabrador didn't help my self esteem much.

Dear Kimananda, I'm willing to bet she has a kind of name for you: a sound, a tone, an image, a word. Dogs have their own unspoken poetry.

Dear amstaffie, I think you have a creative family. I love "Perfect Storm" as a name. There's lots you can do with that one. I have a longer name, too, on paper.

Dear Furkids in Hong Kong, Welcome! Thanks for making the trip. Big bro and little sis are a start, but perhaps other monikers will be in your futures.

Dear maxster, My pleasure to visit you. I haven't eaten any passwords yet myself, but it sounds like heartburn city.
Yo Hank. Girl almost named me "Shanaynay" because of my attitude. WHATEVERR!

Simba, poor dope, got his name from that silly Disney movie. He thinks he's king. But obviously I'M THE QUEEN OF THE HOUSE and nobody rules above me!

gjYou know I have a LolliePop which also equates to Lolliepoop, Lollie popper, Stupid Little dog, smelly little dog, Lollie Flopper and many other that I can't think of right now

Then there is my sweet Kitty Merlyn which equates to Moma's handsome man, Merlimonkey anyways this ways fun thanks!
Hi Hank,

I linked to your blog from my blog, I hope you don't mind! I'll come back and read more of your blog later! Also, my dad's parents live in St. Petersburg, FL and my dad will be there next week for his job!
Your new pal,
Hank you are SO RIGHT!!! My Blogger user name, IndyPindy, came from a nickname that my mother developed for me! There is Indy Pindy, Indely Pindely, Indiana, Fuzzy, Bubba, Bubbie, Killa, Big Guy (that one's not so bad)...then there are the ones that the humans use to make fun of me, like Stinky Breath (which has gone away with my new diet) and Poot Blossom (hey, I had gas, I couldn't help it!).
Dear Zoe,

Love your attitude. Keep it up. If I were Simba, I wouldn't mess.

Dear guvnah,

I know your type. Always messing with the names. Just can't help yourself. Have fun and say hi to Merlyn and Lolliepop.

Dear indipindy,

Well met. Tell your dad to enjoy his trip to Florida. As for Poot Blossom, that seems relatively polite compared to what I get when I'm gassy. Which is hard. I'm fumigating for roaches and nobody even appreciates it!
kool site!!!!
Hi, Hank! I'm Lomax -- a guide dog puppy in training -- and this is my personal assistant, Jenny.

The nickname thing is puzzling, no? I've known many in my brief tenure at Jenny's house. Lomaximus (due to my Halloween costume). Stinkbug/"Gaseous Clay" (due to my...fragrance). Magic Marker (due to my "intact" status). Mister Happy/Wigglebutt/Newton's First Law (due to my perpetual excitability). Then there's just plain old "Little Man," which I haven't decided whether or not is meant as a compliment. And "Mister Moof"... who on earth knows what THAT's about?

Great dlog, by the way! I will require my personal assistant to bookmark it for me in anticipation of regular visits. Keep up the fine work; you bring honor to our breed!
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