HanktheDog Blog

Somewhere around 5 o'clock every day, I go into Mike's office. I don't do anything special, mind you, just stand there and observe. Now, a lot of homo sapiens don't truly fully appreciate the power of the stare (as opposed to staring at screens, which they're all too good at). Humans are prejudiced toward flipping switches, pressing buttons, pushing pedals, wielding tools. In short, they're all about action and view the rest of the world as that which reacts. That's why all their films, video games and even best-selling novels are packed with what they call "action heroes." It's also why they say the world is their "oyster," something to be pried open.

Dogs also love action, of course, but we have a deep and abiding understanding of inaction, which is why we spend such large parts of our days in droopy-eyed meditation. We have an instinctual knowledge of what I modestly call the Hankenberg Principle, which states that the very act of observing an event changes that event. So we watch our humans, not just to keep tabs on them, but knowing that our observation will eventually lead to a change in their behavior.

Mike, for example, can usually be driven off his computer after no more than a five-minute stare, if I time it right. If he goes longer or tells me to go lie down, I usually sigh loudly and throw myself down onto the uncomfortable hardwood floor next to him, my eyes drooping. This, I've found, is really applying the pressure, an act of such audacious self-denial that it's almost certain to elicit much fidgeting and finally a sigh from the humans. Again, the power of inaction. Water beats rock, Beta overrides Alpha. I'd draw you a Venn Diagram but it's sometimes hard for humans to grasp the deep metaphysics of canine science.