HanktheDog Blog

I've been pawing through some holiday catalogues and have come away feeling a tad exploited lately. Do you ever get the feeling that you're just being used as a pet object? You know what I mean. People seem to notice you mostly for your looks. They're always saying stuff like, "Oh, look how adorable he's being" or "You're just too cute" or "You're just so achingly handsome you make me weak in the elbows" (well, okay, so I made that last one up).

I just want to speak up for my fellow dogs (you cats are on your own): in the animal kingdom, we are not just another pretty hairy face. We dogs shouldn't have to submit to stereotypes just because people like the way the our tails swoosh as we prance across the living room. We wish to be loved but not objectified by LL Bean catalogs and those sundry playmate-of-the-month dog calendars that are sold out during every Christmas holiday.

We are, after all, more than the sum of our looks. Consider the scientific evidence gathered by the likes of research fellow Adam Miklosi of the Eotvos Lorand University in Budapest. He and his colleagues have found that "dogs have far greater mental capabilities than scientists had thought." So, put that in a 6x8 frame on your side table, why don't you?

Look, up till now, a lot of people have been thinking that just because we're good (and good-looking) dogs, we must also be relatively slow-witted compared with our bad-boy wolf ancestors. I call it the Canine Mystique. In reality, studies show that it's not that we dogs can't quickly learn how to do certain things, such as open gates in our backyards on our own, it's that we like to play by the rules. We just want permission before we show off our brilliance, which is actually another sign of that brilliance.

Or consider this from CBS News: "In one classic experiment on dogs' use of human visual cues, food is hidden in one of several scent-proof containers. The animal is allowed to choose only one. Beforehand, the experimenter signals the correct choice by staring, nodding, or pointing at it."

It turns out that chimps pretty much flunk out when given this test. Dogs, on the other hand, ace it with ease, speed, and grace. Why? Because we're flat out better than any other species in the world at tuning into humans. In fact, we're even better than the not-really-so-great apes at imitating people. Miklosi says that dogs are "very motivated to cooperate with and act like people." So, the cliche should actually be "Doggy see, doggy do."

Well, sometimes I'm not sure why we bother, for all the respect we get. They come home to us after a long day at the office but all they really see is their loving, photogenic house dog, a bit of domesticated cuteness just waiting at their beck and call. From now on, people should respect our minds as well. I am Labrador - hear me roar!