April 01, 2006


Personal Paparazzo

Did those clever scientists and engineers ever really consider what their Faustian technology would lead to? Did they ever visualize the misapplication of their genius?

I think not. Those brilliant Japanese engineers with their penchant for building the best cameras in the world never really thought through what price would be paid by a wide assortment of dogs, cats and new-born babies the whole world over, chronically blinded by flashes, deafened by clicking shutters, under the kind of intense digital scrutiny usually reserved for movie stars, high-security prisoners, or blue-haired retail shoppers.

In my case, it is mostly Molly who has documented my life so thoroughly that Mike and Jason continuously tease her about how the vast majority of the family photos are not of her spouse or son but of "the dog." (I know they're jealous when they won't even use my name.) Well, I'm afraid the ratio has only become more lopsided since she got her digital camera. No longer inhibited by the fiscal and physical limitations of film, there's little to stop her from indulging her shutterbug passion.

As befits her role as my own personal paparazzo, Molly has, over the years, caught me in many a compromising position: asleep on the sofa in all my naked splendor, frolicking at the beach in carefree and unguarded moments, hanging with my neighborhood homeboys, fending off the amorous intentions of Miss Lucy Lou, mixing it up with Mike when I'm feeling feisty, venting my spleen on my stuffed animals, etc. (Yes, like Michael Jackson, I have lots of stuffed animals. I admit it. So what?) These are, of course, personal moments. Remember last week's photo about "wintering into wisdom"? Well, that was taken just when I'd just woke up, making me look like a skid-row derelict who'd been off on bender. Can't a dog just live his life?

But then, to be perfectly honest, like many a minor celebrity, I don't honestly mind the attention that much. Deep down, I think, most Labradors love to vogue. Many's the time that Molly has gone off grumbling that I'm always ready to pose, ruining a candid photo. But hey, my philosophy is that if you can't avoid them, it's best if you always try to give them your best side. If they're going to take my picture, then I'm going to make love to the camera. Seems fair, doesn't it? I get seen as photogenic, they get seen as taking a decent picture, and the tabloids have one less picture of a Labrador pulling his hat over his face.

It's the one great rule of celebrity. Even when you're feeling put out, always smile for the camera. It's the best revenge.

Your Molly must know my mommy.... hundreds, no THOUSANDS, of digital canine moments of me, though I look the same in each picture. ==endo
Yep, my mom's the same way with 'the dog' (actually, Chloe...the rest of the family, we're not the jealous kind).
Pssst Hank, tell Molly that if she is going to take a picture of your shadow, do that at high noon. Makes you look thinner.
What a great soliloqy there, Hank! The crowd, or at least Astrid, goes wild! A smile can indeed do so much in life, even when there is food sticking in between your teeth.
And you have won my heart, I've made you a link from my blog to yours! Let the traffic-jams arise!
You're just too "photolicious" Hank! Must be exhausting, never taking a bad picture!
Don't mind the photos,Hank. After all, you always look your best.
Hey Hank,

This photo reminds me of my Apple Bonker photo posted sometime ago.

I admit that my secretary snaps most of the photos of my beautiful self, but I do try to take some of my own photos (Arf! Arf!), unless my secretary 'borrows' my spy camera to do his own thing. I wear a 'shoulder' spy camera to snap many of the over my head shots. (Another Arf! Arf!)

Do you pay your personal paparazzo? I don't think one does. I thought you were to bite them or throw farbarkers and such at them but he insists that he is suppose to be paid for each posted photo. Oh, these managerial decisions!

Tell 'Molly' to keep up the good work. (Does MOLLY mean, Mom?)


You're right Hank - my mom has several dozen photos of me. She has TWO Yahoo photo albums, plus several on her computer at home. I am used to having my picture taken. Most of the time I don't mind - that's the burden of being a gorgeous Husky! But when I don't feel like it I make it a point to stop doing whatever I was doing that made her want to take my picture. If necessary, I will clean my private parts. She'll NEVER take a picture of that!
What a great picture. That is really creative. I may have to try that with the girls.
very cool picture
You've got that right Hank... you are absolutely photogenic!
I thought digital cameras were invented solely for the purpose of taking pictures of children, four-legged or otherwise, weren't they? I think my mum has one photo of a human for every 30 photos of us huskies!
wonderful memories in your minds and tend to put a big smile on our faces when we see them. Thank you for that AWESOME piture Hank.

Have an Arf of a weekend!
Hi Endo,

Thousands? Wow! You've outdone me, but Molly hasn't had a digital camera long. Give her time.

Hi Kimananda,

Glad you're not jealous, but I bet Chloe is a teeny bit smug about it. Say hi to your mom.

Hi Woofwoof,

Yes, but then she doesn't look so tall. And no high heels needed.

Hi Astrid,

Thanks! There's often food sticking between my teeth, though I prefer it to be hanging loose in my lips. And thanks so much for the link. I've great expectations.

Hi Katherine,

Photolicious! Great word. I do sometimes take a bad picture, but Molly gets to delete most of them these days (unless, that is, it's bad in a way she likes).

Hi Gary,

Thanks. But you haven't seen me after I've rolled in mud flats. Still, it FEELS wonderful. Of course, there's a price to be paid: a human cursing under his or her breath as they pull out the shampoo, and me wincing to keep the soap out of my eyes.

Hi Freda,

You take some of your own photos? Very impressive indeed. Nah, I don't pay Molly, and she is pretty much my human mom. But I think I still remember my buff-colored Labrador mom. She was a beaut. A real beaut.

Hi Indy,

Sounds familiar. Clean your private parts? Never thought of that strategy. But, you know, I'm not sure I'd want to dare Molly not to take it. I might just find it at the center of a collage.

Hi Pink Chihuahua Princess,

By all means, try it. If you time it right, even the smallest of canines will look like giants.

Hi M-Fax,

Thanks! Molly is very fond of that picture.

Hi Amstaffie,

Thanks. Of course, I doubt Storm takes many bad pictures either.

Hi Tira,

I guess it's a common disease. But I've got to say I love the nose shot.

Hi Sam,

It's true that the pictures make for some great memories. Thanks!
Now we know how you feel!! Our human took photos of us, shared them with other humans and made us into a Scrapbookin' card. Oh the horror, the horror!! THEN she put it on her blog. Is there no end to this torment???
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