HanktheDog Blog

Did those clever scientists and engineers ever really consider what their Faustian technology would lead to? Did they ever visualize the misapplication of their genius?

I think not. Those brilliant Japanese engineers with their penchant for building the best cameras in the world never really thought through what price would be paid by a wide assortment of dogs, cats and new-born babies the whole world over, chronically blinded by flashes, deafened by clicking shutters, under the kind of intense digital scrutiny usually reserved for movie stars, high-security prisoners, or blue-haired retail shoppers.

In my case, it is mostly Molly who has documented my life so thoroughly that Mike and Jason continuously tease her about how the vast majority of the family photos are not of her spouse or son but of "the dog." (I know they're jealous when they won't even use my name.) Well, I'm afraid the ratio has only become more lopsided since she got her digital camera. No longer inhibited by the fiscal and physical limitations of film, there's little to stop her from indulging her shutterbug passion.

As befits her role as my own personal paparazzo, Molly has, over the years, caught me in many a compromising position: asleep on the sofa in all my naked splendor, frolicking at the beach in carefree and unguarded moments, hanging with my neighborhood homeboys, fending off the amorous intentions of Miss Lucy Lou, mixing it up with Mike when I'm feeling feisty, venting my spleen on my stuffed animals, etc. (Yes, like Michael Jackson, I have lots of stuffed animals. I admit it. So what?) These are, of course, personal moments. Remember last week's photo about "wintering into wisdom"? Well, that was taken just when I'd just woke up, making me look like a skid-row derelict who'd been off on bender. Can't a dog just live his life?

But then, to be perfectly honest, like many a minor celebrity, I don't honestly mind the attention that much. Deep down, I think, most Labradors love to vogue. Many's the time that Molly has gone off grumbling that I'm always ready to pose, ruining a candid photo. But hey, my philosophy is that if you can't avoid them, it's best if you always try to give them your best side. If they're going to take my picture, then I'm going to make love to the camera. Seems fair, doesn't it? I get seen as photogenic, they get seen as taking a decent picture, and the tabloids have one less picture of a Labrador pulling his hat over his face.

It's the one great rule of celebrity. Even when you're feeling put out, always smile for the camera. It's the best revenge.